When I say that I believe in order for you to connect with your life’s purpose you must dedicate your life to servicing yourself many cringe and suggest I am teaching selfishness and narcissism.You see, though, the true narcissist does not like themselves and needs the constant service (attention) of others. Narcissists are not dedicated to servicing themselves, but interested in being serviced by others. Additionally narcissists look for what they can get from someone else in order to make themselves look or feel better. Selfishness has a similar impression when viewed from afar.
Few people would want this label cast upon them. In fact, the tape, “You’re being selfish,” often plays through our brains when we try to do for ourselves. The fact is, as with all intruding negative thoughts, this tape has its origins in our automatic, primitive brain (AB) trying to protect us from things from which we need no such protection.
I am proud to say that through my work, I have become a self-help expert. More precisely, I have become an expert in myself! It is my belief that if we were all dedicated to taking care of ourselves, becoming self-interested, then helping others would take on an entirely different meaning and would be much more honest.
What I suggest to begin taking care of yourself is ask yourself when you wake up, “What am I going to do today for myself?” Resist searching for an answer. Understand that any answer comes from your AB if it relies on someone else, even if it means doing for someone else—self-sacrifice, in my opinion, without first committing to self-help, never results in authentic self-help.
For example, when on an airplane, the flight attendant tells you to put your mask on first, in the event of lost pressure, and then upon the child or infirmed passenger. Sometimes we believe and it is taught that helping others will help us. But does the motivation to “help others” come from our true nature or from our AB.
Do we want to help others because it looks good, or we fear God, or so we don’t derive the wrath of others who might be envious of us? These are typical AB “protective” mechanics and actually stand in the way of true divine service, which I believe starts with helping ourselves, first and foremost.When the tape begins to play, “I’m being selfish,” acknowledge it and complete the sentence with this affirmation, “Yes, that’s right, I am being selfish, because I know that when I am selfish and help myself, I am better prepared to honestly help others.”
Understanding that when you help yourself and walk in your own gifts, you will be in a better position to help others help themselves and walk in their gifts. Doing so will assure that you live your everyday extraordinary!
© Charles F. Glassman, CoachMD