February 1st, 2020 12:00am
"Before you find your soul mate, you must first discover your soul."
A search for a soul mate, to me, is like going to a romantic movie and yearning for your life to be just like the characters. In these movies, living happily ever after lasts about ninety to one-hundred and twenty minutes. What happens next? Next week? Next year? Ten years from now? Don’t get me wrong, I am a romantic and love romantic love. But the idea of a soul mate has always made me wonder.
To me, we possess a duality—a primitive nature and a divine nature. The latter is where our soul resides. When we look outside of ourselves for “completion” that signals a pursuit directed by our primitive nature and our soul takes a place in the background. Usually looking for the “perfect” mate takes the shape of a checklist of requirements. Our primitive nature is forever insecure as its primary purpose is to insulate us from danger. And if you are waiting or looking for a soul mate, I suggest you honestly evaluate your requirements. You will see that they fit some criteria to make you feel safer.
Rather than a soul mate, strive for a soulful relationship. That is one in which both partners do not need each other. Lasting, happy, soulful relationships are not needy ones. Our divine nature does not need anything except for release from the bounds of our frightened, primitive nature, which keeps it down and hidden. Once each party in the relationship releases their soul, the two together are greater than the sum of their parts. And that is the making of an enduring relationship.
So here are six suggestions to help you.
When you recognize and accept your own abilities (and limitations), it allows you to navigate the world confidently. Such confidence is extremely attractive and will draw into you those who truly appreciate the whole you.
Our bodies are the vehicles for our soul and often are outward reflectors of our inner health. An unfit, unhealthy body indicates our vehicle needs repairs. Honoring your body means caring for the totality of you which includes your physicality. As I have written, “In order to reach for the stars, we must have both feet planted firmly on the ground.”
I’m sure you’ve heard it, or maybe have put it on your own checklist, “I need someone who makes me laugh.” What are you looking for, a circus performer?! “He needs to be tall, dark, and handsome.” Maybe this one always rubbed me the wrong way as I did not seem to meet any of these criteria! As the Dalai Lama XIV once said, “Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” When we have such strict criteria, it may prevent us from experiencing such luck.
You know how imperfect you are? Well, guess what? That goes for everyone. And because there is no perfect person and because we all come with a history, I hate to break it to you, there is no one person for you. The ingredients of a soulful relationship are respect, appreciation, loyalty, and passion. Combine all of these and your mate will become your soul mate.
Putting parameters on when you are supposed to meet the “right person” will cause unnecessary stress and block the right connection. Continue working the first three on this list and you will be pleasantly surprised how the right person will come along for the right reasons at the right time.
Fear comes from our brain trying to protect us from danger, threat, and vulnerability. And fear blocks access to our living soul. Thus being afraid of being hurt, or ever meeting the right person, can make things worse. Affirming this will help you continue to work the other suggestions on this list and will allow the right person to enter into your life.
Nurturing your divine nature will help you attract those people into your life that are right for you. When you first discover your soul, you will be free to begin a soulful relationship. And there is no better way to live your everyday extraordinary than to share it with someone whom you love.
© Dr. Charles F. Glassman, CoachMD