January 2nd, 2016 2:13pm
There are few species, in the animal kingdom, that seek a mate more than humans. The driving forces behind this pursuit are safety, security, and/or procreation. Though, for those of you familiar with my work, you understand that we possess not only an animal, primitive—automatic—brain, but also a higher mind, the seat of our Divine nature. Attracting and maintaining a relationship has these two facets of our being competing and sometimes, especially when it comes to sexual intimacy, working together. The partner of whom you have dreamed may be much closer than you think, when you look at your world through your mind’s eye rather than your animal brain. Understand this: your animal (primitive, automatic) brain has one purpose—to protect you from danger. And it has only two ways to do that—by fight or flight.
Here are some helpful ways to find the man, or woman, of your dreams.
1. Don’t care so much
I know you’re getting older and your biological clock is ticking. This “danger” of that clock ticking puts so much pressure on you that you may become obsessed which causes you to fight (becoming bitter or aggressive, for instance) or flee (inaction, passive, withdrawn).
2. Don’t try so hard
Similar to not caring, trying to hard chases people away. You come off seeming needy and in search of someone to protect you rather than share life with you.
3. Be open-minded
Be especially on the lookout for any type of prerequisites you may have. Many of the requirements you may have set forth in meeting someone come directly from your automatic brain. For example, physical attraction is only one part of “chemistry” and usually wanes after several months. The depth of one’s character can make that person quite stunning or downright ugly. Avoid strict requirements and be open to the whole person.
4. Pursue opportunities to meet others with similar interests
Look to join a group that shares your passion for the outdoors, for example. If you are passionate about your religion, consider a dating site that caters to that. Maybe take a course at a local college in a subject about which you have always curious.
5. Be a good listener
When we talk, it is usually expressing something that already know, or on which we have an opinion. When we listen, we can always learn something new. Whether the person you meet is “the one” or just a new acquaintance, listening can always make the experience, if not fun, at least more interesting!
6. Take care of your body
Nurture your body. This means feeding yourself with food that will empower you and make you healthy.
7. Recognize that you don’t need anyone to complete you
Unfortunately, the quest for a “soul mate” or someone to “complete” you usually leads to a dead end. As I have said in the past, “In order to find your soul mate, you must first discover your soul.” We are all born with a piece of the Divine within us—our soul. We can only look to share that with another, not out of necessity. Seeking “completion” will tend to lead to a co-dependent, needy relationships.
8. Honor your individual gifts, talents, innate abilities
Not having something that you so desperately want can lead to comparing yourself and your life with others. What this does is blocks you from seeing your magnificence.
9. Continue to grow
Before and after you meet someone, continue to make life exciting and interesting. There is always new information to learn; new things to experience. Be sincerely passionate about life. Real passion is contagious and incredibly attractive.
10. Leave the past behind
Yes, I know, he was “the one”, but he left you for another women or your family broke you up because of cultural differences. Well, you have two choices: wallow in your pity an continually remind yourself of your loss or move on. The latter is your only choice for happiness. Remember what the Dalai Lama once said, “Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.”
I feel sort of an expert on this topic as I have been happily married for 25 years. I am confident that these ten suggestions will help point you in the direction of that special person. Share your success with my online community! Being in a solid relationship is not only great for your physical health, but more importantly for your mind and spirit. As I like to say, a great relationship is one where the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.
© Dr. Charles F. Glassman, CoachMD